


He's Our Son.

by carpethefanfics



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Death, F/M, Halloween 1981, Lily's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 16:33:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11559114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpethefanfics/pseuds/carpethefanfics
Summary: “And she knows he’s mouthing the words back to her as she tears up the stairs. As she clutches Harry to her chest. She can’t hear anything but this is the end. And Harry’s crying in her arms now at the screaming.”





	He's Our Son.

**Author's Note:**

> Because I’ve always wanted to get inside Lily’s head the moment everything ended for her, well, in the physical life anyway.
> 
> Inspiration.  
> http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/6051-if-ever-there-is-tomorrow-when-we-re-not-together-there
> 
> Warning: major character death
> 
> Enjoy.

  * And she thought
  * Maybe in another life
  * Maybe in another time
  * They could have  **this**
  * This life she dreamt up but never dared to speak of
  * This life she had hated herself for wanting so bad
  * _Wanting so much_
  * There was warmth there
  * In that small cottage of cobblestone and bird baths and windows that were never really clean
  * In knit blankets over couches and mugs of tea littering every surface they could find
  * Toes squished into thick rugs and skin going numb from lying in bed for far too long
  * The pitter-pattering of small feet and sparks of magic outside the kitchen window and snowy days where their eyes just couldn’t stay open in front of a fire
  * But it hadn’t ever become that
  * **They**  hadn’t ever become that
  * The couple she so badly wished they could be once more
  * The one that had danced to no music in the common room because the only way he could see tears cover the freckles of her face were when it came from laughter
  * The one that had held an all-out week long whole Gryffindor tower prank war because James had dare utter the words  _“Marauders do it best”_
  * The one that drank until they were dizzy and left bruises on collar bones, down the columns of each others throats
  * The one that took bets on whether Moons would ever cave in to Pads’ puppy dog eyes
  * The one that kissed frantically, earnestly, romantically
  * The one that couldn’t bear to be parted
  * _But maybe_
  * Maybe it was never supposed to
  * Maybe this destiny was the only destiny she had ever had
  * And she wishes in some small part of herself that it had never happened
  * That she had never let herself see him as more than a snotty nosed git with two left feet and eyes too big for his face
  * That she had never let herself see the planes of his chest as a place to rest her fingers
  * Or the sharp line of his jaw as home to her lips
  * She wishes he had never crawled under her rib cage and taken home in the curves of her heart
  * Never dappled the back of her neck with stars
  * Never ruined her for another
  * Because then maybe they would be alive
  * Maybe he would be off soaring thousands of feet in the air
  * Wind in his hair, in his jersey, on his skin
  * The sun glinting off him bringing an entirely new meaning to the word gold
  * James Potter would be a household name for an entirely different reason
  * Lily knows it
  * _And merlin she wants that for him_
  * Wants to see him come to life again the way he did at school
  * Hear a laugh that isn’t weakened by the state they’re in
  * Isn’t fearful of being too jovial, too loud, too careless
  * Not just see a flicker of it in his eye when he’s laying Harry down
  * And then watch it extinguish as he turns away
  * Because god he  **deserves** it
  * Wholly selfless and kind and incredible James Potter deserves everything
  * That’s what she had said as he slipped the ring on her finger
  * _You’re so much more than anyone will ever give you credit for_
  * _So much more than I could have ever known_
  * But she can’t
  * Not anymore
  * Not with the sounds of the door exploding
  * The cold magic that now envelops their home so unfamiliar and dreadful that her skin crawls, her heart breaks
  * Its the sounds of James’ voice that pierces every nerve ending in her body
  * _Lily go_
  * _Take Harry_
  * _I’ll hold him off_
  * But she can’t see a wand in his hand
  * Her eyes to focused on pushing every ounce of everything she had ever felt for him into one last look
  * Burning the image of his face into her mind
  * Soft eyes, soft lips, strong hands, strong heart
  * _I love you_
  * _I love you_
  * _Jamie I love you_
  * And she knows he’s mouthing the words back to her as she tears up the stairs
  * As she clutches Harry to her chest
  * She can’t hear anything but  _this is the end_
  * _This is the end_
  * _Oh god this is the end_
  * And Harry’s crying in her arms now at the screaming
  * At the sound of a curse so unforgivable Lily feels herself uncontrollably weeping
  * And her whole world, even her dream world, is unreachable now
  * There will never be another day where she sees her own eyes looking back at her through thick lashes and smooth black hair
  * Never be another moment to wrap James up in her arms
  * To feel the way his lips graze her skin and his fingers clutch at her waist
  * The will never be another second to pepper Harry’s chubby cheeks and giggling face with kisses
  * Never be a tomorrow where they were together
  * And she can’t help but remember James words
  * _Lily I need to say this_
  * _I need you to hear me say this_
  * She had cried and clung to him as he clung to her
  * She had never felt so old, never felt her life so incomplete than right there
  * _Lily_
  * He had whispered it like a fleeting promise
  * Like a promise he knew he’d have to keep sooner than they hoped
  * _If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together_
  * _I need you to know_
  * _You are so much braver than you believe_
  * _So much stronger than anyone could conceive_
  * _And just as smart as than you know you are_
  * _But the most important thing is that even if we’re apart…_
  * She had pressed her lips against his as he spoke
  * _I’ll always be with you_
  * And Lily thinks
  * _Well_
  * _**Thank the heavens there had been a yesterday**_
  * Without his ridiculous scheming and embarrassing flirting and gorgeous smile Lily would never have known what it meant to fly head first into something without looking
  * Would never have understood what the word  **soulmate**  truly meant
  * She wouldn’t feel a love so immense, so unbound, so uncontrollable that the moment the door in front of her shattered she felt anger
  * The fear and ache in her stomach was no match to the unadulterated hatred she felt
  * No one could take this life from her
  * No one could ever make her step aside even when her wand was downstairs and her husband’s barely cold form laid vacant on the stairs of their home
  * Harry was all this world had left of James’ smile, of his fierceness 
  * Was all this world would have left of her
  * So she pleads one last time with the hooded coward before her
  * _Please not Harry_
  * _Take me_
  * _Take me_
  * _Please take me_
  * _Please don’t touch Harry_
  * _Not my Harry_
  * And when his laugh pierced her skin she knew how much of a fool he was
  * Knew he had never known the gift of a mother’s love
  * The blessing it is to feel so immensely that not even death itself could tear her away from Harry
  * Could tear her away from James
  * And the moment the scream tore from her throat she felt the magic inside her burst
  * She felt the world in her mind collapsing around her
  * The physical planes of this life disappearing
  * Part of her soul fluttering away to a new place, a lighter place
  * The other part stayed behind
  * Wrapped itself so tightly around Harry that no harm could ever touch the softness of his skin, would never break the love inside him
  * And when she felt her eyes flutter open again
  * When familiar tousled hair and bright brown eyes came into view she smiled
  * _Lily_
  * Oh that voice
  * _James_
  * Oh that smile
  * _He’s going to be okay_
  * _I know, he’s **our**  son_



**Author's Note:**

> http://carpethefanfics.tumblr.com/post/163217094792/hes-our-son


End file.
